The position of “wing-man” has had it roots dated well back into biblical days. Jesus himself had many wing-men (12 to be exact) who stayed by his side to make sure his goals were achieved. To understand the position of “wing-man” we must first look at the modern definition of the term. Although Wikipedia has a clever definition of the term, we’ll go more in depth.
Definition:
wing-man (noun)
1. a person, of the male gender, that puts aside all personal gain to achieve the collaborative goal of successfully coupling their friend with an attractive young girl, even if it means coupling himself with the less attractive friend of said attractive young girl.
Rule #1
YOU DO NOT LEAVE YOUR WING-MAN!
YOU NEVER LEAVE YOUR WING-MAN!
Yeah, we have all seen Top Gun and we know the consequences of leaving your wing-man, Cougar goes insane and turns in his wings. Sure Maverick and Goose get to go on to Top Gun and all that but look in the end…Goose is dead and Maverick ends up having mad crazy sex with Kelly McGillis. I guess if you are Maverick this is awesome, but let’s be honest with ourselves…we are all more likely to be Goose. This is our first scenario. By leaving your wing-man, you are leaving him open to multiple targets. In some situations this can be a bad thing. When intoxicated, multiple targets can confuse your friend and he will be confused on which target to engage. Also, you leave him in a vulnerable situation to the point where he may even just give up…in which case you both loose. Anytime a man turns down a hook-up, well all die a little inside.
Rule #2
Distract but do not pull away the attention. This is where you have to be on your “A” game. When your friend makes a joke that does not go over well, take the heat, distract, or make a bigger ass out of yourself. Be careful not to make you the center of attention though…you are not the focus here. Distract the said attractive girl’s friend while your buddy moves in for the kill. We all know how girls like to pull their friends to the bathroom and give them the “pep-talk”. Don’t let this happen. The longer your buddy gets the better chance he has. If at all possible, get the girl you are distracting to dig on you a little, it may help.
Rule #3
Put aside all quarrels. I know you probably just got done arguing with your friend before you got to the bar about god knows what, but this is not the time for a beef. Chicks don’t dig arguments. You and your boy need to be one with each-other (in a purely non-sexual way). You need to be like this :special k points two fingers has his eyes, then points two fingers at his friend’s eyes:. Being in sync can make all the difference.
Rule #4
Two words, drink slower. You have to be the one watching not only your actions but your friend’s as well. It’s on you to make sure he doesn’t make an ass out of himself. This may mean that you have to be at most one (1) drink behind him (and you will catch shit for that), but he will thank you in the end. If you are really slick you can be the one ordering drinks and just make his doubles. Although this may seem kind of lame that you have to be a little behind, it will always help out a little bit. Just know that when it’s your turn to be the man of the night, your wing-man better do the same.
Rule #5
Know the signals. Before you get to the bar or party, you should have some signals or “key phrases” set aside for certain events. Examples of this include but are not limited to:
-”Dude, you ready?” = “GET ME THE F*** OUT OF HERE!”
-”Bro! :makes ‘O’ face when girl is not looking:” = “This is a very attractive young woman. I would like to get to know her better.”
-The Upwards Head-Nod = “I dunno if I want to engage bro. Check the radar for me.”
-The Introduction to ladies = “I got radar lock. I’m too close for missiles, switching to guns.”
-The Fist Bump (when exiting the bar or party and your buddy is going home with the girl) = “You got this bro, call me in the morning if you need me to come rescue you.”
These are just a few that I use. Feel free to add yours in the comments. Sharing of information is good.
Conclusion
So there is my little beginners guide to being a wing-man. Take it to heart. Use it. Spread it. I hope this helps you out a little in your pursuit and feel free to add comments or suggestions. I have to thank Joe and Brett for helping out with this one. Their much appreciated proofing was greatly needed.
Tagged old posts
11 Responses to The unOfficial Wing-man Handbook
w00t
Rule #6Upon being recognized as the wingman, you must sing the song from the commercial, Wing Maaaaaaaaaan
< HREF="http://insomniacsyndicate.net/files/index.php?dir=Videos/&file=wingman.avi" REL="nofollow">Link to the video<>
dude, you totally missed the most important part of winmanship.Fat chicks.The wingmans #1 priority is deflecting all large and fugly girls from your friend when he is heavily intoxicated. Some beer goggles are to be expected and allowed for, however you must always ask yourself “will my friend potentially kill myself upon waking up next to this oger?” if yes fire missles.
Hmmmm, well put Anonymous. Strike one up to the readers. I don’t claim to be perfect, this is why we have comments areas.
Not a seperate rule, but in addition to the fat chick rule-The extent of the “beer goggling” that will be allowed is directly proportional to the slump that the person is in. Has it been 2 months? Get away from that 6, and wait for at least a 7 to walk in. Has it been a year? Well, then even a crumb is a feast to a starving man.
I like to talk about stool.
REMEMBER, No chick is too fat or too fugly to be distracted. Take one for the team. It’s not like you have to sleep with her!
just as a mental note. The bros before hoes rule comes before wingman. If the chick in sight just so happens to be an ex or a crazy bitch you know about. You must immediately turn tractor beams off and persue new target. Doesn’t matter what your boy says. If you have proof she’s nasty or bin abused by another guy recently. No amount of alcohol can block out drama later. #1 wingman
hmmm, why is the text on your site so small. it’s practically unreadable! i’ve noticed this with a few other sites too. wtf happened to my pc??
It’s programmed with expandable text…if you are using Internet Explorer….which you better not be you can go to the View menu and select text size…if you are using firefox…which you should be…you can do the same thing.